Grief is a humbling experience. It seemed like I lost all energy when I went into the yard. I felt physically weak. I guess my mind thought of the last time mom sat in my yard with the family. She would come over early and cook the meats on the grill while I finished with cold salads and foods in the kitchen. I will miss her more than words can express. There hasn't been a moment that I have not thought of her since her death. Family members who have lost their mothers told me that although it gets better I will always think of her and the pain may never go away. That's how I feel.
I have already it seems had a "life review" in my mind of how holidays or family events will be without her. Not healthy but true. I was bone and blood of her flesh. I grew inside and came from her. Yesterday I went to her house. I am deeply distressed that my mother is not there! I can't believe it. Had she been sick for some period of time I think I would of had time to prepare but this way is awful.
I read some information on sites yesterday regarding grief. I also did some study on what the Bible says about what happens after the body dies. I realized I knew less than I thought. For Christians there are 2 views. One is that we sleep until Christ comes and then the dead in Christ are resurrected. I thought, what about the scripture that states, to be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord? I found finally peace in the words of Jesus on the cross when he spoke to the thief who was crucified next to him. He told him, "today you will be with me in paradise". No sleeping but at death that he would be with Christ. I take comfort in this scripture that my mother is alive, living, and with God and one day I will meet her again. It's the only thing that has given me some peace thus far. At least something made me smile in the yard. I think I have a few blueberries.
|Blueberries I think.|
|The yard is more shaded this year than usual. A lot of the branches hanging over my yard need to be cut. This will be done before summer is over.|
|The span of the fern is huge. It has new fronds. It's taken over the planter. I planted an elephant ear but it hasn't done anything yet. I hope I didn't waste money again.|
|The Swiss chard is pretty.|
|There are 2 types of tomatoes, cherry and a yellow fruit one.|
|Veggies not planted yet include broccoli, and peppers. Chives and sage also have to be planted. I planted 6 cucumbers. Three are left but don't look promising.|